Today is my Mother’s birthday. If she had lived beyond the age of 70 she would be 98 years old today. She could not survive lung cancer. she is no longer walking the earth but she yet lives in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved her, who still love her.
Angela Abbruzzi (Abbruzzese)Annarino was not always easy to love. She was, after all, a mother of four children, equally difficult to love. Love is not easy. Love is demanding…when done right. Mom did it right.
She never lost sight of her own humanity and ours. She demanded we become the best we could be, no matter the cost to our pride and dignity. She would often discipline us openly before guests, bystanders, family and friends. When this was thrown in her face by her recalcitrant daughter she would reply, “ I don’t care if the president of the United States or Jesus Himself were standing here while I discipline you. You will be behave yourself.” Dad, if he were around would remind us “ everyone puts his pants on one leg at a time.” My parents did not disrespect those “above” us. They just did not believe anyone was more important than anyone else. Whatever the audience, our behavior was openly challenged; our failures disclosed.
They loved us so hard. They made it hard not to be our best. We often failed Mom’s expectations. We never lost her love. What a great lesson she taught us. Be direct. Be truthful. Be real. Be transparent. Try hard. Get up after you fail. Try again. You are loved. Keep trying.You are no better than anyone else. Nor is anyone else better than you. Keep trying no matter who is watching. No matter what vulnerability anyone else sees in you. No matter what anyone else thinks of you. Keep trying. The only way we could fail was to not try.
Loving hard builds strong children. High expectations builds confidence in the realistically foreseeable, and repeatedly expected, failures of childhood. Mom’s expectations never lessened, so we had to keep trying. I am so very grateful to my Mother for demanding so much from us. She also taught me to demand more from others. To expect the best from others. To acknowledge their humanity, “warts and all”, while loving them and supporting them to be the best they could be. And, to never expect more of anyone else than I expected of myself. She taught me to love hard.
Happy Birthday, Mom. Grazie! I love you, “warts and all”.
annarino writes 