Confession is good for the soul.
I have been told.
My first confession
at the age of seven
Took Sister Mary Claude,
whose diligence I applaud,
months to abate my fear.
First in line, I strode near
the confessional where Fr. Torre
waited to hear blood and gore
from little ones whose blame-game
only recently became a cause of shame.
With whispering words I began to confess.
“Father, forgive me.”( I felt such stress.)
“This is my first confession.”
Father stopped me right there
as I sat on the edge of the chair.
He was behind the screen,
a solemn, still figure barely seen.
“Please speak up so I can hear.”
And, so I did, and started to enumerate
all my sins, expecting him to strongly berate.
His words caused me even greater fear,
“Louise, not so loud, or all will hear.”
No longer did I worry who heard what.
He knew me, when I had been taught,
confession is anonymous.
Now, I felt infamous.
How could I face him across my Mother’s table
when he came each week that he was able
to eat her suga and Italian food;
and feel like family, with buoyant mood.
My only sin that day
was what I confessed every single Saturday,
“I disobeyed my Mother 10 times a day,
every day, of every week, of every year.
I was a disobedient child who shed no tears.
And over these many years
I have never changed my insolent creed
My father told me as I stood at his knee,
“Every man puts his pants on one leg at a time.
No one is better than you; (I liked that line)
and you are no better than anyone else.”
Equality set my soul free, made my heart pulse.
Equality became the base of all courage.
Equality kept me from being discouraged.
As a woman in a man’s world and profession.
I learned to speak up and out loud in my first confession.
annarino writes 
KILLING FIELDS
In the 4th. grade we made our confession of faith during the sacrament of Confirmation.By that age we were well-steeped in the Catholic teachings shared with us by our parents and then by our teachers. First grade, we learned through a simple catechism. Second grade we made our first confession and a day later, our first Holy Communion. The best behaved I have ever been was the 24 hours in between each sacrament. I did not want any sin on my soul when I brought the living God into my body through the sacred Host.
During my time in Catholic school I attended daily Mass before school each morning and on Sunday. On Saturday I walked to church to make another confession. It was usually the same one each time: I disobeyed my mother ten times a day. This became the theme of my life with authority figures whose expectations seemed beyond reason to me.The Church became a refuge for me, a place of calm and forgiveness beyond human comprehension; very much unlike the world around me seething with ambiguity and hypocrisy,misogyny and racism, ethnocentrism and abuse of power. Each lunch hour became a Holy Hour where I sat before the altar and conversed with Jesus, Mary and my namesake, Joseph.
I asked Mary to be my spiritual Mother and teach me to be a good daughter. The church, for Catholics, is such a sacred space. It is open to the heavens and limitless grace, because the actual Body of Christ in the form of a Host of bread resides in the Tabernacle in the Center of the altar, directly under the crucifix which reminds us of an immense love for fellow human beings. In front of that altar lives are transformed. Mine was. From a self-centered child to an other-centered human being. Oh, still a sinner who needed confession at least once a week. But, one ready to forgive and to be forgiven as a member of a flawed human race. most importantly, Catholic sanctity requires social action, not merely prayers and thoughts. Oh, there are plenty of prayers and thoughts. But, those drive us to social action.
On the first day of classes, or soon after, an opening Mass would be celebrated by the entire school. Each class was guided into pews, with some pushing and shoving as the pews grew crowded. A teacher sat with each class to keep us in line. Silence is a hallmark of that sacred space where it is expected our minds should be on silent conversation with God, not with others in the pew. When I attended Protestant services the friendly chatter, greetings and conversation seemed strange to me until I realized that, there, communion was a symbol not a presence, of Jesus. Chatter and conversation was a good thing. It helped build community in ways silence might not.
But, for me, silence built an even larger community. I was aligned not only with the souls in the seats around me, but with the souls who had gone before me; with the angels and with the saints. The children at Annunciation Catholic School were thus surrounded as a gunman shot them, as they thought and prayed in their most sacred space. The angels and saints could comfort them. They could not stop the evil. Only we can do that. We must act.We are given the grace to do so if we are willing to accept the challenge.
Firearm deaths are the leading cause of death in children aged 1-17. Adults, for the most part, are killing our children so gun dealers and manufacturers can profit. The NRA and right-wing propagandists erroneously convinced Americans that the second amendment protects the right to own a gun. Unlike other protections in the Bill of Rights we are told guns cannot be regulated. Every right can be regulated within reason. The Second Amendment to the Bill of rights protects the right to own guns to form a militia, a National Guard, in case of foreign invasion. Now, The National Guard, is being used against our own population, not a foreign nation invasion. Immigration is not invasion. It is a civil, not criminal, process. No immigrant is an illegal. The National Guard, under state authority of its governor, is trained to assist us. Instead it is being used to assist a racist, partisan coup. Elections may see even more troops meant to intimidate and control access to voting locations. While wildfires, floods and storms persist, those who might help us are being diverted to protect an administration’s image and authoritarianism.
Hate for and fear of others has become the Republican Party rallying cry. There are minds fueled by drugs, alcohol, mental illness, hopelessness and despair who become aroused to violence by the hate and bullying being shouted out in presidential news briefings. Minds twisted by hate with access to weapons too easily become killing machines. Instructions in weapons and killing are available on-line. Social Media does little or nothing to constrain hate speech and manifestos of death and destruction; and yes, of the killing of children. Yet, social media regulation is continually stymied by profiting politicians, and by presidents who encourage gift-giving.
When I watched the footage of children describing their experience I thought of my own classmates so many years ago. I felt the grief and tortured cries of my soul knowing how significant evil in such a sacred space was the worst kind of sacrilege. It was only a matter of time that the sacrilege going on in our streets, nightclubs, restaurants, and schools would invade our most sacred spaces. But, in reality, every bullet fired into another human being is a violation of a most sacred space.
As my first grade catechism explained why I was born into this world: To love and serve God in this world and to be with Him in the next. I shall serve Him by demanding we protect His most sacred creation, our children. We have no time to waste. The killing field is being put in place hour by hour, day by day.
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