There was one day each year our Catholic parish could expect the Bishop to visit. Every year the children in the fourth grade, age 10 or so, made their Confirmation of Faith. We studied the tenets of our faith so we would understand more fully what it would mean to be confirmed. This was critical because the one thing that sank in was the idea that we would not only promise to live our faith, fully and with integrity; we would pledge to be willing to die for our faith, as many of the Catholic saints had done over the centuries. In fact, we chose a name for ourselves of a saint who inspired us to live our faith as fully as they. I chose Bernadette, a young girl unable to be shaken from her spiritual experiences, despite opposition even from church leaders. She was open to the unexpected, unexplainable mysteries of her faith; courageous and persistent, resilient and humble. She could face down any opposition to live her faith experience.
We had learned through study and life experience that others opposed our beliefs, and especially, our assumed authority to represent Jesus Christ’s teaching . We saw our priests, and even ourselves, as part of the line of succession from Peter the Apostle. A lot of wrongdoing and audacity occurred in between Peter’s time and mine. We were taught to acknowledge errors, correct them and move on. A daily examination of conscience and frequent confession kept us on track.
As a very short child, I led the procession into church. The Bishop asked us a few questions ascertaining that we understood what we were about to promise. I was the first to be confirmed, kneeling at the altar rail, shaking like a leaf, praying for courage. The Bishop spoke the words reminding me that my faith required a willingness to die for Christ. I responded that I would. The Bishop then struck my cheek with a blow so hard those in the back pews could hear the slap, my head snapping to the side. The Bishop looked horrified. I could feel the sting of his hand. I was reminded alright!
After the service ended, we processed from our pews to the rear of the church, the Bishop and altar servers before us. The Bishop waited for me at the door and joined my parents and family as we stood on the church steps. His handprint was still visible on my cheek. He humbly apologized to me and to my parents. Since I was the first child he had underestimated the strength of his blow, and was mortified. I had never expected to see a mortified bishop. It made my heart open to him as human being, no longer an authority figure. Those moments of my confirmation remain with me, 67 years later, as if they happened yesterday. Over the years I had need of the lessons learned that day.
I learned that faith is not a mind-game, nor a mere consideration. It is a calling to act with integrity, love and compassion. It requires the willingness to suffer for others; to learn them, see them, hear them even when I had to “suffer through” them. I suffered through those I did not like nor respect, as well as those I respected and loved. I learned that those in authority held no power over me unless I gave it to them. I could have withheld respect and forgiveness to a bishop who hit me so hard it hurt. I chose to forgive him and accept his unintended harm. However, I never shirk from showing those in authority the harm they do. It is probably one reason I became a lawyer. I experienced justice that day. Too many in our America do not. It is those we must be willing to die for. Our faith requires it.
I listened to two Catholics, Senator Bernie Moreno from my state of Ohio and Vice-President J.D. Vance defend and protect the President Trump’s unlawful war, threats of genocide, and destructive blasphemy the past few days. They were confirmed. Do they not recall their vow to defend and protect our faith and our church as they attack our Pope? Do they not understand integrity and morality? What did they promise as they affirmed their Catholicism when confirmed? I am not truly surprised because they also seem to have forgotten their vow to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States and Ohio, and the laws of both when they sworn into office as senators and then, Vance, as Vice-President.
These are not men of conviction willing to suffer for their faith. They are not humble. They lack integrity. They lie. They attack when they should defend… not just the Pope but human beings in Gaza, Iran, Minneapolis, and every city and hamlet in America. They attack instead of defend our people of color, LGBQT and transgender citizens, our women and children, our elderly and disabled, our working poor, our refugees and immigrants. They would suppress votes of students, women, the working poor, the elderly and disabled and brazenly support the provisions in the SAVE act suppressing our votes. All the while they pretend to protect us and our vote. They stay silent while our military is used to perform war crimes, and while our country’s leaders threaten to annihilate others in violation of the Geneva Convention and human rights.
The attack on a Catholic Pope is just part of the plan to replace loving faith and care for others preached by Jesus Christ on his Sermon on the Mount with power and control over others fed by greed and arrogance. It was easy to abuse the weakest among us. Now, they openly abuse a powerful church leader preaching Jesus Christ’s teachings. Of course, Trump posted an AI construction of himself as Jesus Christ. Of course Vance and Moreno, and other republicans think it is meaningless, a joke. The explanation is as great a lie. It has meaning. It is meant to promote abuse and control at the expense of others. These men were not slapped hard enough when they were confirmed as Catholics. They are not willing to suffer any political nor financial loss to help others. As a Catholic, I hold them accountable and ask them to recall their vows; to their church and to the American people.
First because I have chronic fatigue syndrome, sometime called ME, CFIDS, and now, similar to long Covid. I became very ill and disabled from my illness 36 years ago. I was told then I would be lucky to walk again, likely need a wheel chair or cane. Great medical care from osteopathic manipulative medicine and acupuncture, years of pushing physical boundaries allow me to walk, for short distances. I can care for myself at home. I taught myself to read and write again by writing in a journal every morning. Despite brain fog, I developed a blog. My earliest efforts were poems. Gradually, I re-learned grammatical forms. Dyslexic imagery means my written words are sometimes corrupted. Lately, ChatGP has stolen even more of my words when it fails to recognize dyslexic word forms and alters words I do not always catch. My eyes and my brain take a while to catch up. Still, I must write to connect to the larger world I once participated in with gusto.
I practiced law as the Associate Director of Legal Affairs for Ohio University and Assistant Attorney General for the state of Ohio. In my spare time I taught law as an adjunct Associate Professor to advanced undergraduate and graduate students. I taught Business Law, School Law, Vocational Education Law, Law and Medicine (at O.U.medical school), and created courses and taught Social Welfare Law and a race relations course. I co-founded OU STARS, training and mentoring students to run race relations programs and workshops. I visited other campuses, community organizations and political groups and lectured on law as it applied to them. I love the law. I love the Constitution and the Bill Of Rights. I loved teaching and sharing my love of law with every audience available to me.
It was difficult to be sidelined from such an active life sharing the love of the law. It is difficult now to watch the hatred of the law spewed from the lips of a president, vice-president, Secretary of State, Director of Homeland Security, every federal agency, Speaker of the House and Senate Majority Leader. Watching the dismantling of the Rule of Law is almost too painful to write about. Watching the Supreme Court ignore centuries of stare decisis, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and every legal norm makes me want to scream until my throat is raw. it makes me tremble in disgust. Nightmares steal my sleep. I watch my country dissolve as it laws are twisted, debased, ignored and stomped upon. The only thing capable of holding together a nation dedicated to personal freedom is the law assuring no person is above the law. Otherwise disrespect and hatred toward other persons fueled by our animal nature inevitably leads to anarchy and self-destruction. We must hold the line against this administration and those who have tried to take and hold power only for themselves. To do so they must destroy the rule of law. That is what see every day. That is what I mourn every moment. Thank God for lawyer Marc Elias. He holds our hope and beliefs in his legal briefs.
The media giants, universities, Republican state and local leaders are silent or complicit in the destruction. Worse, the voters, including family-friends-neighbors, pay little attention to what is happening. Or. worse, support what is happening. I do not know how to find forgiveness. I pray for grace to do so. Finally, my church is realizing it must oppose such forces. However, its last few decades has seen it fully supporting those destroying our freedoms because of its unwillingness to acknowledge the right of women to control their own bodies. The right of women to hold sexual power. Nothing threatens a misogynistic organization more than women holding power in their own hands. At last, heroes like Fr. Pfleger of Chicago have seen enough. They are speaking out. An answer to my prayer. I keep praying!
On October 18, I shall join millions of Americans our government has labeled traitors and evil people as we American freedom-lovers celebrate NO KINGS DAY. I ask you to join us, wherever you live. Will it place you at risk? The federal government leaders want you to think so. They want you afraid to stand up for the Constitution and laws which govern our democracy, and protect it from autocracy. We are stronger the larger the groups. If you are unable to stand on the street beside us, drive by and honk in support. If you cannot do that, encourage all you know to join us in any way they can. Please do not sit there and shake your head. Please do not lose hope. Please do not be afraid. We are stronger than we know. Never listen to those who tell you that you will never walk again, never speak nor write again, never advocate for change again. You can. You must. Help us!
In the 4th. grade we made our confession of faith during the sacrament of Confirmation.By that age we were well-steeped in the Catholic teachings shared with us by our parents and then by our teachers. First grade, we learned through a simple catechism. Second grade we made our first confession and a day later, our first Holy Communion. The best behaved I have ever been was the 24 hours in between each sacrament. I did not want any sin on my soul when I brought the living God into my body through the sacred Host.
During my time in Catholic school I attended daily Mass before school each morning and on Sunday. On Saturday I walked to church to make another confession. It was usually the same one each time: I disobeyed my mother ten times a day. This became the theme of my life with authority figures whose expectations seemed beyond reason to me.The Church became a refuge for me, a place of calm and forgiveness beyond human comprehension; very much unlike the world around me seething with ambiguity and hypocrisy,misogyny and racism, ethnocentrism and abuse of power. Each lunch hour became a Holy Hour where I sat before the altar and conversed with Jesus, Mary and my namesake, Joseph.
I asked Mary to be my spiritual Mother and teach me to be a good daughter. The church, for Catholics, is such a sacred space. It is open to the heavens and limitless grace, because the actual Body of Christ in the form of a Host of bread resides in the Tabernacle in the Center of the altar, directly under the crucifix which reminds us of an immense love for fellow human beings. In front of that altar lives are transformed. Mine was. From a self-centered child to an other-centered human being. Oh, still a sinner who needed confession at least once a week. But, one ready to forgive and to be forgiven as a member of a flawed human race. most importantly, Catholic sanctity requires social action, not merely prayers and thoughts. Oh, there are plenty of prayers and thoughts. But, those drive us to social action.
On the first day of classes, or soon after, an opening Mass would be celebrated by the entire school. Each class was guided into pews, with some pushing and shoving as the pews grew crowded. A teacher sat with each class to keep us in line. Silence is a hallmark of that sacred space where it is expected our minds should be on silent conversation with God, not with others in the pew. When I attended Protestant services the friendly chatter, greetings and conversation seemed strange to me until I realized that, there, communion was a symbol not a presence, of Jesus. Chatter and conversation was a good thing. It helped build community in ways silence might not.
But, for me, silence built an even larger community. I was aligned not only with the souls in the seats around me, but with the souls who had gone before me; with the angels and with the saints. The children at Annunciation Catholic School were thus surrounded as a gunman shot them, as they thought and prayed in their most sacred space. The angels and saints could comfort them. They could not stop the evil. Only we can do that. We must act.We are given the grace to do so if we are willing to accept the challenge.
Firearm deaths are the leading cause of death in children aged 1-17. Adults, for the most part, are killing our children so gun dealers and manufacturers can profit. The NRA and right-wing propagandists erroneously convinced Americans that the second amendment protects the right to own a gun. Unlike other protections in the Bill of Rights we are told guns cannot be regulated. Every right can be regulated within reason. The Second Amendment to the Bill of rights protects the right to own guns to form a militia, a National Guard, in case of foreign invasion. Now, The National Guard, is being used against our own population, not a foreign nation invasion. Immigration is not invasion. It is a civil, not criminal, process. No immigrant is an illegal. The National Guard, under state authority of its governor, is trained to assist us. Instead it is being used to assist a racist, partisan coup. Elections may see even more troops meant to intimidate and control access to voting locations. While wildfires, floods and storms persist, those who might help us are being diverted to protect an administration’s image and authoritarianism.
Hate for and fear of others has become the Republican Party rallying cry. There are minds fueled by drugs, alcohol, mental illness, hopelessness and despair who become aroused to violence by the hate and bullying being shouted out in presidential news briefings. Minds twisted by hate with access to weapons too easily become killing machines. Instructions in weapons and killing are available on-line. Social Media does little or nothing to constrain hate speech and manifestos of death and destruction; and yes, of the killing of children. Yet, social media regulation is continually stymied by profiting politicians, and by presidents who encourage gift-giving.
When I watched the footage of children describing their experience I thought of my own classmates so many years ago. I felt the grief and tortured cries of my soul knowing how significant evil in such a sacred space was the worst kind of sacrilege. It was only a matter of time that the sacrilege going on in our streets, nightclubs, restaurants, and schools would invade our most sacred spaces. But, in reality, every bullet fired into another human being is a violation of a most sacred space.
As my first grade catechism explained why I was born into this world: To love and serve God in this world and to be with Him in the next. I shall serve Him by demanding we protect His most sacred creation, our children. We have no time to waste. The killing field is being put in place hour by hour, day by day.
Cousins at play in public park: Tina, Victoria, Louise Annarino 1954
I have seen this hate before. I could not understand it then.I do not understand it now. When my mother lay dying it became clear to me that the only measure of a life is the ability to love. A body shriveled by cancer’s reach into every cell, wracked by pain, realizing death is near holds onto love, not life. Death’s grip is too fierce to break. But, the only thing death cannot destroy is love. I saw it in my dying mother’s eyes, reflected in my own. That love binds us still. It always will. So, no, I do not understand the need to hold onto hate when love is so much stronger. Love reveals our strength to us; hate, our weakness. Love displays our courage; hate, our cowardice. So, no, I do not understand hate.
As child of Italian immigrants, growing up in the 1950’s, in a neighborhood populated by two German immigrant families, dozens of Italian immigrants and a few Irish immigrants, I learned my place. Venturing too far away from the four block area adjacent to the railroad tracks we inhabited brought me to the Appalachian whites nearby, who could not afford to live anywhere else, so had to live near the despised and hated immigrants. Our Catholicism, a commonality of each immigrant group, did not endear us to “Americani”, either. We learned to ignore their taunts and sneers, threats and minor assaults with whatever weapon they wielded…a switch from a shrub, a golf ball, a pitched badminton racket, a rock. We were careful to avoid the “hoods” carrying switch blades. Skinned knees caused while running to escape and falling, split lips or bruises were not uncommon. To be clear, not all of those “Americani” participated in bully tactics; but, too few fully embraced us, and none defended us. I have seen this hate before. I have felt this hate before.
My parents explained that hate is not universal. Only cowards and ignorant fools cling to hate. Most people know how to love. Thus, we were admonished to never hate anyone. Stay strong. Show love no matter what. Be brave. Never start a fight; but, never run from one. Stand up to bullies. They are weak, fearful cowards and will back down. Hate is not endemic to white people, nor to any group. But, within every group there are cowards…bold, brassy, loud and stupid cowards. We held our ground at the playground. We ignored the jokes and jibes. We ducked the projectiles. We moved forward when told to get back, staring with fierce determination to continue to swing, to play ball, to run races. We seldom allowed hate to stop our games and ruin our fun. I learned to withhold my smirk when I saw the bully fall back and slink away. I learned to love despite the hate directed my way. I invited the bully to stay and play. Some did. Thus, we broke the force that would have driven us away from enjoying our childhood. We grew strong, fearless and full of hope for better days.
The recent anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy brought back these childhood memories. When the announcement of his death came over our PA system every class adjourned to the chapel at our Catholic high school. We prayed the rosary together. We prayed for comfort, peace and love in our country. Then, we were sent home to grieve with our families. I gathered my books, not knowing what to expect next, and when school might resume. Across the street was a public junior high school. As I walked by on my way home, clad in my school uniform identifying me as a Catholic, one by one, several public school students shouted at me, “We finally killed him!” “He got what was coming to all you filthy Catholics !” “ This is what happens to Catholics who don’t know their place.” I remember these taunts and all the others. They are tattooed on my heart and on my brain. I even can feel the look of confusion on my puckered brow, wondering how these young kids could hold so much hate for their own president, and for me, a total stranger who had done them no harm. How could they so dishonor the wonderful country we shared, and its democratic principles. No one is more aware of or more grateful for American principles than immigrants are. These long-time inhabitants seemed not to recognize such values at all.
That was then. This is now. Ignorant people still cling to their hate. But the indifference to the haters, the lack of comment rebuking haters which I expected but sadly never heard led to this day. Now, hate is fueled by the right wing of the Republican Party, and not condemned by its members. Worse, its chosen presidential candidate, whose first election succeeded because of, if not regardless of, his hate-spewed speech and hate-filled acts toward people of color, women and non-Christians is further encouraged to continue hate-filled policies and practices which will kill our democracy as surely as it killed Medgar Evers, Emmett Till, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Robert Kennedy. I have seen this hate before. I did understand it then. I do not understand it now.
I always knew I became a lawyer to stand in the way of those who blocked programs, policies and practices which honor diversity and seek justice for all. I would be in position where such efforts could be implemented and enforced. Only now, do I understand it was my armor to protect that child in me who still believes that good can prevail once we are willing to stand up to bullies; whether that bully is a landlord, bank, or company. The law is the bulwark against hate and harm, against greed and abuse of power. Now, I watch my beloved Law and its Courts undermined by those bullies by Republicans in state legislatures and the U.S.Congress, by Republican governors and secretaries of state and states attorneys general who support a bully as their fund-raising cheer-leader to cover their own dark deeds. The alternatives are not to choose between two evils; but, to choose good over evil. To choose love over hate. I watch the silent white supremacists alongside them allow them free rein. People of Color, Native Americans, immigrants have always known the Law favored the wealthy and powerful, majority of them white men. Now, we all recognize the system that has been in place for so long. As a nation we are reaping what we allowed to be sown. I still do not understand the hate that has allowed this to go on for so long. But, I will still fight such hate with love; until my dying breath…then beyond.
I know how to survive bullies. I am not worried for myself. I watch my country try to survive the bullies, those they eat dinner with at their private clubs who are shocked by what they see…what the oppressed have always seen. Yet, they stay silent or act entertained. Or worse yet, they choose to ignore what they have not wanted to notice. It is my countrymen whom I hope will uphold its constitution, its citizens I hope will stand up to bullies and vote them out of office before it is too late. The power of bullies’ wealth can be overcome by our numbers, if we vote. That is a big if. Mobilize, register, transport and assist voters to the polls. Write Letters to the Editors. Speak out on social media to friends and family. Meet your neighbors and recruit their support for the efforts it will take to stay the course of a democratic republic. I do not understand the hate. I never will. It does not matter. What matters is I will not allow hate to rule my country, nor anyone in it. I choose love, a love embodied in a country which puts no man above the law, and believes all men are created equal, with unalienable rights. I took an oath to uphold the constitution. I took an oath to love.
annarino writes 
CONFIRMATION SLAP
There was one day each year our Catholic parish could expect the Bishop to visit. Every year the children in the fourth grade, age 10 or so, made their Confirmation of Faith. We studied the tenets of our faith so we would understand more fully what it would mean to be confirmed. This was critical because the one thing that sank in was the idea that we would not only promise to live our faith, fully and with integrity; we would pledge to be willing to die for our faith, as many of the Catholic saints had done over the centuries. In fact, we chose a name for ourselves of a saint who inspired us to live our faith as fully as they. I chose Bernadette, a young girl unable to be shaken from her spiritual experiences, despite opposition even from church leaders. She was open to the unexpected, unexplainable mysteries of her faith; courageous and persistent, resilient and humble. She could face down any opposition to live her faith experience.
We had learned through study and life experience that others opposed our beliefs, and especially, our assumed authority to represent Jesus Christ’s teaching . We saw our priests, and even ourselves, as part of the line of succession from Peter the Apostle. A lot of wrongdoing and audacity occurred in between Peter’s time and mine. We were taught to acknowledge errors, correct them and move on. A daily examination of conscience and frequent confession kept us on track.
As a very short child, I led the procession into church. The Bishop asked us a few questions ascertaining that we understood what we were about to promise. I was the first to be confirmed, kneeling at the altar rail, shaking like a leaf, praying for courage. The Bishop spoke the words reminding me that my faith required a willingness to die for Christ. I responded that I would. The Bishop then struck my cheek with a blow so hard those in the back pews could hear the slap, my head snapping to the side. The Bishop looked horrified. I could feel the sting of his hand. I was reminded alright!
After the service ended, we processed from our pews to the rear of the church, the Bishop and altar servers before us. The Bishop waited for me at the door and joined my parents and family as we stood on the church steps. His handprint was still visible on my cheek. He humbly apologized to me and to my parents. Since I was the first child he had underestimated the strength of his blow, and was mortified. I had never expected to see a mortified bishop. It made my heart open to him as human being, no longer an authority figure. Those moments of my confirmation remain with me, 67 years later, as if they happened yesterday. Over the years I had need of the lessons learned that day.
I learned that faith is not a mind-game, nor a mere consideration. It is a calling to act with integrity, love and compassion. It requires the willingness to suffer for others; to learn them, see them, hear them even when I had to “suffer through” them. I suffered through those I did not like nor respect, as well as those I respected and loved. I learned that those in authority held no power over me unless I gave it to them. I could have withheld respect and forgiveness to a bishop who hit me so hard it hurt. I chose to forgive him and accept his unintended harm. However, I never shirk from showing those in authority the harm they do. It is probably one reason I became a lawyer. I experienced justice that day. Too many in our America do not. It is those we must be willing to die for. Our faith requires it.
I listened to two Catholics, Senator Bernie Moreno from my state of Ohio and Vice-President J.D. Vance defend and protect the President Trump’s unlawful war, threats of genocide, and destructive blasphemy the past few days. They were confirmed. Do they not recall their vow to defend and protect our faith and our church as they attack our Pope? Do they not understand integrity and morality? What did they promise as they affirmed their Catholicism when confirmed? I am not truly surprised because they also seem to have forgotten their vow to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States and Ohio, and the laws of both when they sworn into office as senators and then, Vance, as Vice-President.
These are not men of conviction willing to suffer for their faith. They are not humble. They lack integrity. They lie. They attack when they should defend… not just the Pope but human beings in Gaza, Iran, Minneapolis, and every city and hamlet in America. They attack instead of defend our people of color, LGBQT and transgender citizens, our women and children, our elderly and disabled, our working poor, our refugees and immigrants. They would suppress votes of students, women, the working poor, the elderly and disabled and brazenly support the provisions in the SAVE act suppressing our votes. All the while they pretend to protect us and our vote. They stay silent while our military is used to perform war crimes, and while our country’s leaders threaten to annihilate others in violation of the Geneva Convention and human rights.
The attack on a Catholic Pope is just part of the plan to replace loving faith and care for others preached by Jesus Christ on his Sermon on the Mount with power and control over others fed by greed and arrogance. It was easy to abuse the weakest among us. Now, they openly abuse a powerful church leader preaching Jesus Christ’s teachings. Of course, Trump posted an AI construction of himself as Jesus Christ. Of course Vance and Moreno, and other republicans think it is meaningless, a joke. The explanation is as great a lie. It has meaning. It is meant to promote abuse and control at the expense of others. These men were not slapped hard enough when they were confirmed as Catholics. They are not willing to suffer any political nor financial loss to help others. As a Catholic, I hold them accountable and ask them to recall their vows; to their church and to the American people.
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