Over 25 years ago our state bar association convened a group of women lawyers, 2 from each county, to address sexist laws and regulations, and court practices. I represented the county in which I practiced law. We met on Malcolm X’s birthday so I implored the group to also address racism as well. It seemed, I suggested, that only addressing sexism was insufficient to create justice. And as Malcolm said,” If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem”. The group agreed to expand its review and its reach.
The breakout sessions were useful. We formed sub-groups to research specific areas. At the close of the day the Chief Justice of our state Supreme Court, a man, and the president of the state bar association, a man, spoke to the group. They appeared a bit unsettled by our enthusiasm for the project. My comments citing Malcolm X contributed to their appearing to be ill at ease. One of the men advised us to ” go easy on the men” because our efforts and comments would ” hurt their feelings” and make them uncomfortable. They told us we need to “help them with their feelings” as we discussed and delivered our findings. It might be too upsetting for them.
That did it! I rose up out of my seat and announced that as women, and as African-Americans the lawyers in the room already had to handle our own emotions because of the sexism and racism we experienced from those same men. And it took all our strength to do so. It was not our job to handle their feelings, too. They would have to handle their own feelings.
I explained that we agreed to help our bar association and our state courts correct that sexism and racism which had made our justice system so oppressive to women and African-Americans. The least the men could do was handle their own feelings, responses and actions.the room grew so quiet one could have heard a pin drop. The men paled, and shrugged helplessly. They had no clue how offensive their comments had been. They were gentlemen and I was …. not.
This belief that the oppressed are expected to ” tread lightly” so as to ” protect men’s feelings” is exactly was the police ask if those protesting the police brutality that hides behind the Blue Line. That is not our job. The police who understand better than any the effects of police brutality need to handle their own feelings and their own actions. And those who stand up and advise us to not make them ” uncomfortable” ask too much.
annarino writes 
Removing Cataracts,Louise Annarino,7-24-2014
Some lessons are worth learning more than once. This is true of the lessons learned from my recent and first cataract surgery. I expected that the cloudy view of the world from my left eye would be replaced by a cleaner and crisper field of vision. What I did not anticipate was the amount of light which would permeate my new, unclouded lens. When I close the left eye darkness descends. My right lens is simply grimy, eroded and covered by the detritus of all it has seen over 65 years, like a sheer curtain keeping out much of the light. I had no idea how darkened my world had become, the curtain’s descent was so gradual.
My house is so much brighter, even on the cloudy days we have been having. I don’t need more lamps or brighter bulbs, as I had thought. Light reflects from the softest, most absorbent surfaces, not merely from mirrors. Candle light does light up the dining table enough to see the food on my plate. I had forgotten how much light there is in the world. How bright a future can be. I expect even more light after my second surgery.
It is not until we open our minds and hearts, are willing to open new doors, bravely step out into unknown territory, and curiously step into unexpected experiences that we realize how limited our lives and how clouded our thoughts have become; and, how dark our futures seem.
I thought I enjoyed my garden. I had only known half of it. There is no dearth of bees as I had thought; their tiny bodies now gleam against the backlight of flowers, more colorful than I had imagined. Tiny bugs move soil around the base of each plant, opening tunnels for rain water to reach roots. I thought reading had become burdensome. I no longer struggle to pull words from the page; they leap off onto beams of light straight to the retina. I thought my skin and hair had grown dull with age; but, they glow from the energy speeding through my body, alight with oxygen and sugars to grow new and younger cells. I thought the future could only grow darker. I was wrong. The future always glows brighter.
I dreaded the first surgery, terrified it could leave me blind, or with even less vision. I feared my body might reject the new lens, or my body would suffer an allergic reaction to the medications used to make the surgical procedure physically and emotionally comfortable. My worst fear was that I would not be able to hide my fear. I feared I would have a massive panic attack, causing havoc for the dedicated caregivers working so diligently on my behalf. I feared letting them down and shaming myself.
These are the fears I carry in my bag of tricks. They sometimes keep me from bravely opening my heart, stepping into new territory, and exploring unexpected experiences. When I was young the bag of fears I carried was nearly empty, so light I barely noticed; certainly not so heavy it stopped my explorations of the unknown future. As I grew older the bag grew fuller, heavier and more burdensome. No more. I dumped out the bag’s contents this week! The more light let in by my cataract surgery, the lighter my bag became. I cannot wait for my second surgery. I know I learned this many times before; but,some lessons are worth learning more than once.
If only each of us could remember this lesson, unload our bags of fear, and open our hearts to each other. If we could open the closed doors which block us from one another and step bravely into each other’s lives with light and hope instead of fear…I can only imagine how exciting and enlightening that would be. I am so glad I had this surgery. If anyone tells you that you need cataract surgery, don’t hesitate to say, “Great, I am ready!” The truth is is we all need cataract surgery. Some lessons are worth learning more than once.
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