Conspiracy theories are nothing new. I remember the first one told to me. I was 5 years old and riding my new bicycle up and down the sidewalk in front of my house, allowed to go on my own only from the corner to the first alley and back again. There had been a flurry of children’s voices for the past few days talking about a monster who had moved into the neighborhood. It sounded so creepy to my five year old mind. I tried to avoid those conversations.
We lived on the Southside, surrounded by former German/Irish and new Italian immigrants. The Southside of any factory town always means the latest to arrive, or the poorest unable to move on, live there. The Southside of any town is where the river flows, and train tracks are laid out. The downwind side where the smog of factories collects in the air and flows down from their smoke towers, while the effluent chemicals left over from production drain into the river. In our neighborhood the Tectum factory dump lay near the river surrounded by an earthen bank hiding most of it from the street. But, the rejected sheets of shredded wood fiber held together by cementitious binder had piled so high it was visible. The air was filled with grey dust throughout the neighborhood. Playing on the dusty, unstable pile was forbidden. A true incentive to explore was unleashed by Mom’s warnings. That forbidden dump was a mystery to solve. Bored children, not yet solely rational thinkers, were drawn there like flies to…a word a five year old girl was not allowed to say.
The day I first found myself captured by a conspiracy theory is one I have never forgotten. The children noticed I had no interest in their gleeful one-ups-manship stories of the monster. The latest version was that he stole into homes at night. I asked why no one ever actually saw this monster. They responded “because it was night and everyone was asleep!” The monster was stealing jewels, candlesticks, and silverware. I raised an eyebrow at that comment! No one in my neighborhood had jewels or silver and gold anything. There was little worth stealing in our homes. With each disbelieving question I asked the children became more incensed by my disbelief. They considered how to “get me,” as bullies are eager to do. The only thing to be done was to issue a challenge and defeat me somehow.
The challenge was this: Ride to the end of this street, turn left and ride to the river. Climb the embankment into the Tectum Dump. Climb the pile. That is where the monster sleeps during the day. If you do not think he is real, you will do this. Uh oh. There were so many things wrong with this I shook my head “no” at first. If the monster did not kill me and eat me as the children avowed he would, my mother would kill me when she found out. But, proving that there was no monster, and stopping lies which were scaring innocent children like me, seemed worth the risk.
The children followed me all the way up the street. I pedaled as fast as I could, which was so slow they easily kept up with me, chanting scary threats all the way. I stopped at the corner, reassessing the plan. The river seemed so far away, the longest block I would ever traverse alone.
My delay simply fueled the bullying chants. So I turned left and started up the street, pedaling faster than I ever had before. My feet were flying, my hands sweating. So wet, it made it hard to hold onto the handlebars. None of the children left the corner. They remained silent and watched. There could be no retreat.
I made it to the embankment by the river, praying Hail Mary’s all the way. I dropped my bike and ran up the embankment with my eyes closed, saying the Guardian Angel prayer. My knees shook. I felt nauseous. I stood at the top, opened my eyes and looked down into the dump. It looked threatening but I saw no monster. I heard shouting and turned to see children gathered still on the corner saying I had to go in to the dump. So, I did. I climbed that pile and smiled a smile as wide as my smile had ever been, or will ever be. There was not monster. It was all a lie.
I stayed awhile and picked some wild flowers. Long enough so that the children might think I had been eaten alive and was never coming out. I waded in the river awhile. Finally, I gathered my flowers and climbed back out and onto the street, climbed onto my bike and pedaled slowly back to the corner offering the flowers to the children silently riding home.
I had no supper that night. Penance for disobeying my Mother, and for allowing tall tales told by idiot children who cared nothing for my safety to lead me into danger. Mom warned me that I would be told a lot of tall tales (1950s description of conspiracy theories) in my life; and, I would be a fool to believe any of them. She was right.
